New Legislation

For Immediate Release
Regina
SASK CABINET PASSES "CITIZENS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT"

On Friday, Cabinet approved the Citizens With No Abilities Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more than half a million talentless Saskatchewan residents.

The act, signed into law by Premier Roy Romanow shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory for the thousands of Saskatchewan citizens who lack any real skills or uses. It will be administered and enforced by the Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission.

"Roughly 50 percent of Saskatchewan residents-- through no fault of their own do not possess the talent necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Romanow, a longtime SNA supporter.

"Their lives are futile hamster-wheel existences of unrewarding, dead-end busywork: Xeroxing documents written by others, fulfilling mail-in rebates for Black & Decker toaster ovens, and processing bureaucratic forms that nobody will ever see. Sadly, for these thousands of non-abled Saskatchewonians, the dream of working hard and moving up through the ranks is simply not a reality."

Under the Citizens With No Abilities Act, more than 250,000 important-sounding "middle man" positions will be created in the white-collar sector for non-abled persons, providing them with an illusory sense of purpose and ability. Mandatory, non-performance-based raises and promotions will also be offered to create a sense of upward mobility for even the most unremarkable, utterly replaceable employees.

The legislation also provides corporations with incentives to hire non-abled workers who "self identify" on employment applications, including tax breaks for those who hire one non-germane worker for every two talented hirees (modeled largely after the great past successes of the Northern Hiring Practises in resource lease agreements).

Finally, the Citizens With No Abilities Act also contains tough new measures to prevent discrimination against the non-abled by banning prospective employers from asking such discrimatory job-interview questions as, "What can you bring to this organization?" and/or "Do you have any special skills that would make you an asset to this company?"

"As a non-abled person, I frequently find myself unable to keep up with co-workers who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as an unessential filing clerk at a Regina wholesaler last month because of her lack of notable skills. "This new law should really help people like me."

With the passage of the Citizens With No Abilities Act, Gertz and thousands of other untalented, inessential citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Romanow: "It is our duty, both as lawmakers and as human beings, to provide each and every citizen, regardless of his or her lack of value to society, some sort of space to take up in this great province."

Romanow noted "The Federal government is keeping a close eye on the Saskatchewan application of this modern and progressive legislation."

(Note: Saskatchewan Party argues that this is redundant legislation, in that The Civil Service Reform Act covered most of these issues already.)